What’s a Belén?

December 30, 2016 / helenstasa / 2 Comments

One of the things I was most looking forward to about Spain was seeing what it would be like to have Christmas in Europe. And one of the unique facets of a Spanish Christmas is the importance placed on the Belén.

Belén

A Belén is a nativity scene, generally consisting of Mary, Joseph, and Jesus at the very minimum, but usually accompanied by shepherds, Wise Men, and a whole lot of other people and animals.

Subversive Belén in Barcelona, complete with selfie taker

There seems to be an unwritten rule that one must do their best to make their Belén as fabulous as possible. For instance, the Plaza Major in Madrid was filled with stalls selling all manner of Belén necessities (think moss, bark, sculptures, small barns), whilst my school had its annual Belén making activity.

Life size Belén in Zaragoza

To say it was competitive is the understatement of the year.

On the first day of December, each grade was told which part of the Belén was their responsibility. Year 6, being their final year, were told to make the three “main players” (Mary, Joseph and Jesus), whilst Year 5 were allocated the shepherds and Wise Men. I’m not too sure who decided that Year 4 would make windmills and bridges (were windmills even around 2000 years ago?), although I’m guessing that it was getting a bit difficult to think of different things that the kids could make by this stage!

Note windmills

The children were then put in teams, and told to make their Belén things after school and on the weekend. Two weeks later, they brought them in. I was amazed at how much effort had gone into it. A lot of the kids (and parents, I’m guessing) had clearly spent ages making sure their cows looked just right and that the cloth on the Wise Men’s camels was precisely the right shade of blue (I’m serious).

During the last week of school, the entire entrance foyer was turned into “Belén-land.” The Head Teacher (whose job seems to consist mainly of arranging festive decorations and parties) assembled a big collection of tables, covered them in sand (bags not cleaning up after…) and then the class tutors chose the best creations for the Belén.

Whilst it looked great, I did feel a bit sorry for the kids whose figures were deemed “superfluous to requirements”. These offerings, which included a beautiful pink Barbie house (very nice, but anachronistic), some tables whose legs had broken off, and a couple of very creepy looking scarecrows (which may have been recycled from Halloween, I’m beginning to think) were banished to the library, where their indignant creators complained bitterly to each other that their work had been snubbed.

But I’ve got to admit, my favourite Belén figurine was the one below. I’m not too sure if a student, teacher, or parent made him, but I congratulate them for their sense of humour.

The king!

What’s been happening?

December 22, 2016 / helenstasa / Leave a comment

I realised today that I have been deserting this blog, mainly because I have been sick AGAIN (or should that be STILL?), and have been struggling even getting out of bed in the morning, let alone going to work, let alone writing here. Excuses, excuses, I know…

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But as it’s coming up to Christmas, things have been a bit quieter and less stressful, although the action at school is continuing. Here’s some memorable things which have happened so far this week (and let me just note, this has been a pretty average week in the school world…)…

1. Attempted throat removal

Aah, yes. The Year 6 class. It always provides for some action, although not necessarily of a pleasant kind. Yesterday, things took a particularly notable turn when Antonio and Raul had a dispute. I wasn’t too sure exactly what happened, but it seems that Raul insulted Antonio’s dad, and in response, Antonio attempted to remove Raul’s voicebox using only his fingernails. Raul turned up to class with a huge red gash across his throat, whilst Antonio was crying and screaming.

Cue a 45 minute lecture from the teacher about “being nice to our classmates.”

In a strangely ironic twist, the next chapter in the Year 6 English text is on why bullying is wrong.

2. Attempted groping

If the goings on in the Year 6 class weren’t bad enough, they pale in comparison to what has been happening in the Kindergarten group. I’m not sure how or why, but I appear to be receiving a lot of unwanted attention from one of the 5 year olds. It started a few weeks ago, when I noticed something touching my backside. I assumed that I had accidentally brushed against a chair or table, but when I turned around, I saw one of the little boys grinning away, with his hand on my bottom.

At first, I thought that he didn’t know what he was doing. But every day since then, I have found my bum attacked with regularity.

This is somewhat disconcerting.

I tried explaining to the culprit that “It’s not nice to touch a person there”, but to no avail. Another day, the same dirty mitt approaching my backside.

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I now find myself spending most of the class sitting down, feigning tiredness, in an effort to avoid unwanted pawing.

3. Attempted football match

Every year at the school, there is a students versus teachers football match. The students LOVE this. Most of them play football, and there is even a roster for which grade can use the goals on which day.

Unfortunately, the teachers weren’t so keen.

In fact, there weren’t even enough for a team.

Desperate times called for desperate measures, and participation became virtually unavoidable. This meant that Mary, the very proper Year 5 teacher, ended up playing in her formal dress and high heels (Aside- did you know that they actually make high heeled football boots?!).

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I didn’t ask about the result.

I didn’t dare.

So, that’s a pretty “normal” week for me. Being back at school has been a lot of things, but at least I can’t say it’s boring…

The student “axis of evil”

October 27, 2016October 27, 2016 / helenstasa / 2 Comments

I’ve always admired the phrase “axis of evil”, even though I don’t approve of George W. Bush’s politics. It’s so evocative. So descriptive. So dramatic. Whoever wrote it (hello, speechwriter!) deserves to be congratulated (interesting aside- although I’m not overtly political, speechwriting strikes me as an ideal job. I would LOVE to do it).

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Anyway, whilst George W. Bush may have listed Iraq, Iran, and North Korea as the original “axis of evil”, these places have since been usurped by the three most naughty and downright evil students in the history of bad students.

I wish that I was a teacher who liked all students equally, but I’ve got to admit, some drive me ABSOLUTELY INSANE, and it’s all I can do to last the entire lesson.

So, with this in mind, here are my Top Three Bad Students (with identifying details changed, obviously…And note that they’re all given a 1, because they are as bad as each other!).

1. Javier

Javier is five years old, and in the infants’ class. The problem with Javier is that he absolutely refuses to sit on his chair. Regardless of coaxing, bribery, orders, whatever else, he won’t do it. Instead, he suspends himself upside down beneath the desk, or crawls across the floor, or hides under the teacher’s chair. I have physically picked him up, and put him in his chair, but he won’t stay put. Then, I invariably step on him, and it’s The Worst Thing in the World, with tears and complaints, and everything else. And this happens in EVERY class.

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1. Juan

Juan is ten years old, and is obese. He is in the Year 5 class, but he doesn’t bother listening to the teacher. Instead, he spends the whole class making fun of one of the special needs students. This makes me SO ANGRY. I appreciate that Juan has probably been bullied because of his size and shape, but to be so nasty and horrible to a student who doesn’t have the capacity to understand is simply unacceptable. Juan makes me FURIOUS!

This is not an accurate reflection of Juan’s physique

1. Isabel

Isabel is eleven, and is absolutely diabolical. She is sneaky and sly and devious. When the class teacher is there, she is sweetness and light. But as soon as the teacher leaves the room, she is a total demon, yelling and screaming and misbehaving. I would actually prefer it if she misbehaved the entire day, rather than this devious falseness. She knows EXACTLY what she is doing, and every action is carefully calculated. The problem with Isabel is that she is popular, and so when she misbehaves, most of the class follows suit. Sometimes, we have a battle of wills. I know what she’s playing at, and she knows how I’ll respond. So we sit there in class, staring at each other with mutual hatred. Seriously, she is a demon incarnate. My aim is to bend her to my will (horrid as that may sound, all I want is for her to stop the puerile games).

Will I annihilate the axis of evil by the end of the year? I seriously doubt it. But I am planning to give it a REAL good try. If I can walk into a class which contains one of these three students without wanting to scream, it will have been an achievement 🙂

The good, the bad, and the ugly

October 13, 2016 / helenstasa / 2 Comments

Well, today was a bit of a mixed bag, you could say (that’s putting it mildly). Here’s some of the highlights…and the lowlights…

The good

The Year 1 English class was replaced by a lesson in road safety from a local policemen. It was particularly amusing when the policeman asked the kids whether any of their parents broke the road rules, and about half of them put up their hands. He then pretended to jot down all the names, and said he’d visit their houses to arrest them. The kids loved this.

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I had class with my two favourite students, Camilla and Fernanda. They are both 5 years old, and so, so cute. Camilla wears huge purple glasses, and doesn’t speak a word of English, but chatters at me incessantly in Spanish. She loves showing me her sliding across the floor moves, which she thinks are particularly impressive. She also seems to get a perverse satisfaction when I say “No, Camilla! That’s so dangerous!” This causes her to grin away madly, with obvious delight. Fernanda speaks a bit more English, and is absolutely obsessed wtih my appearance. She always wants to touch my necklaces, and sits there and intones “You are so beautiful” throughout the class. This is excellent for the self-esteem.
One of the Year 2 students gave me a present. It was a beautiful flag (???) he had made. I’m not too sure what I’ll do with it, but it was a nice thought!

gift

The other Year 1 class were learning about Red Riding Hood, and I got to use the Big Bad Wolf puppet to act out the story with the teacher. This was surprisingly enjoyable, particularly as I could be ask nasty as possible, and say that I was “getting in character.”

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The bad

Some of the kids got a little bit too “caught up in the action” with the Big Bad Wolf puppet, and thought he was actually attacking and eating Red Riding Hood. One boy got quite viscious, and tried to pull off the wolf’s legs in order to save Red Riding Hood. Unfortunately, the wolf puppet was pretty badly made, and now one of its legs is hanging by a thread. I hope no one notices that next time…
I have blue and green plasticine embedded under my fingernails after spending 45 minutes helping the children make models of the world. I can’t seem to get it out now.

The ugly

Things went TOTALLY pear-shaped in the Year 5 science class. They were having an in class quiz, which the teacher and I were supervising. Most of the kids clearly hadn’t studied, and kept putting up their hands to ask questions, which the teacher tried to deflect. When she had to leave the room, the kids turned to me, and began asking, then started talking to each other. I told them to stop talking. They pretended they didn’t understand. So I told them in Spanish to stop talking. This caused an uproar. “SHE SPEAKS SPANISH!!!!!” they shrieked, and began yelling at me anew. In desperation, I decided to move the two cheekiest students, but then the teacher came back, lost it completely, and screamed that the class were the worst students in the history of bad students.

Want to know what the class was like? Multiply this by 5 (there’s 25 students) and that’s an indication

All I can say is, thank goodness for my 3.5 day week!