I’ve always admired the phrase “axis of evil”, even though I don’t approve of George W. Bush’s politics. It’s so evocative. So descriptive. So dramatic. Whoever wrote it (hello, speechwriter!) deserves to be congratulated (interesting aside- although I’m not overtly political, speechwriting strikes me as an ideal job. I would LOVE to do it).

Anyway, whilst George W. Bush may have listed Iraq, Iran, and North Korea as the original “axis of evil”, these places have since been usurped by the three most naughty and downright evil students in the history of bad students.

I wish that I was a teacher who liked all students equally, but I’ve got to admit, some drive me ABSOLUTELY INSANE, and it’s all I can do to last the entire lesson.

So, with this in mind, here are my Top Three Bad Students (with identifying details changed, obviously…And note that they’re all given a 1, because they are as bad as each other!).

1. Javier

Javier is five years old, and in the infants’ class. The problem with Javier is that he absolutely refuses to sit on his chair. Regardless of coaxing, bribery, orders, whatever else, he won’t do it. Instead, he suspends himself upside down beneath the desk, or crawls across the floor, or hides under the teacher’s chair. I have physically picked him up, and put him in his chair, but he won’t stay put. Then, I invariably step on him, and it’s The Worst Thing in the World, with tears and complaints, and everything else. And this happens in EVERY class.

1. Juan

Juan is ten years old, and is obese. He is in the Year 5 class, but he doesn’t bother listening to the teacher. Instead, he spends the whole class making fun of one of the special needs students. This makes me SO ANGRY. I appreciate that Juan has probably been bullied because of his size and shape, but to be so nasty and horrible to a student who doesn’t have the capacity to understand is simply unacceptable. Juan makes me FURIOUS!

This is not an accurate reflection of Juan’s physique

1. Isabel

Isabel is eleven, and is absolutely diabolical. She is sneaky and sly and devious. When the class teacher is there, she is sweetness and light. But as soon as the teacher leaves the room, she is a total demon, yelling and screaming and misbehaving. I would actually prefer it if she misbehaved the entire day, rather than this devious falseness. She knows EXACTLY what she is doing, and every action is carefully calculated. The problem with Isabel is that she is popular, and so when she misbehaves, most of the class follows suit. Sometimes, we have a battle of wills. I know what she’s playing at, and she knows how I’ll respond. So we sit there in class, staring at each other with mutual hatred. Seriously, she is a demon incarnate. My aim is to bend her to my will (horrid as that may sound, all I want is for her to stop the puerile games).

Will I annihilate the axis of evil by the end of the year? I seriously doubt it. But I am planning to give it a REAL good try. If I can walk into a class which contains one of these three students without wanting to scream, it will have been an achievement 🙂