Aah, neighbours! The bane of everyone’s existence. Or at least of mine…

And this year, I seem to have struck the proverbial jackpot in terms of seriously unusual residents of my particular postal district.

So, without further ado, here is a brief spotters’ guide to some of the “treasures” of La Latina. And let’s just say, this neighbourhood really does justice to the sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll cliché…

1.The Strippers

Sex, drugs, or rock ‘n’ roll?: Sex

Identifying characteristics: Two men. The first is a bearded fellow in his 40s, the second (who I assume is the first guy’s son or perhaps his partner) is a hairless man in his late teens.

Location: On the other side of my street, directly opposite my loungeroom window.

Claim to fame: I first became aware of The Strippers when I was relaxing on my sofa after a hard day at work. I opened the window, and was greeted by the sight of a middle aged, bearded man standing on the balcony opposite, clad only in his (very brief) briefs. When he saw that I’d seen him, he didn’t seem at all concerned, and continued to stand on the balcony in his undies, flexing his muscles and taking in the view.

This has since become a regular occurrence- I open the window, and am greeted by the sight of my neighbour in his tighty whities, “delighting” observers with his body. Although sometimes, my neighbour decides to take a day off (perhaps he’s washing his undies?), and a younger, trimmer man replaces him on the balcony, and goes through the same display routine.

2. The Smoker

Sex, drugs, or rock ‘n’ roll?: Drugs

Identifying characteristics: I haven’t seen them, so I can’t say.

Location: The flat below mine.

Claim to fame: The Smoker likes to relax of an evening by having a few puffs of a joint. But the thing is, his/her landlord doesn’t permit smoking in the apartment, so The Smoker always opens their doors and windows to air the place out. This is all well and good, except that the smoke drifts into the foyer of the building, and then into the other apartments. And let’s just say, The Smoker is smoking some VERY strong stuff. Simply walking past their door is enough to make me feel lightheaded…

3. The Patriot

Sex, drugs, or rock ‘n’ roll?: Rock ‘n’ roll (if flamenco counts)

Identifying characteristics: I can’t say, as I’ve never seen The Patriot. But it’s definitely a man.

Location: On the other side of the street, next to The Strippers.

Claim to fame: The Patriot has taken the saying “todo por la patria” to heart. His apartment is a veritable shrine to Spain. His balcony is festooned with a gigantic Spanish flag, with a number of smaller flags tacked up around his windows. Of an evening, he enjoys blasting the neighbourhood with flamenco music (I’m not complaining about this, although after a couple of hours, it does start to lose its appeal).

One day, when the Catalan referendum had stirred up a lot of passions, a passerby saw The Patriot’s decorations, and started hurling abuse from the street. The Patriot was absolutely incensed, and began screaming out of his window, using his choicest Spanish swear words.

I’m not sure which of these three delightful neighbours is the best. All? None? But I guess if I find myself in dire financial straits, I could always sell tickets for a night out in my loungeroom, with high quality entertainment…